Patience is a virtue…

…that I do not have. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

I have my follow up appointment with the fertility specialist in less than a month. I have been taking my Metformin like I should, and have had noticeable physical changes (lost 19 pounds so far, AF came without further medical intervention). But I still am on the edge of my seat, wondering what it has done for my ovaries. And depending on what it has or hasn’t done for my ovaries, what that means for my chances at conceiving. I JUST WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW.

Of course on top of that it doesn’t help that I’ve had all kinds of “pregnancy symptoms” that turn out to be something else. I get dizzy and nauseous, but that’s just because I need to eat a bunch of small meals throughout the day. I often forget about this until I almost tip over when I stand up. It also doesn’t help matters that I always forget to bring food with me to work and there’s nothing in our vending machines that is suitable with this medicine.  I also was peeing constantly, but it turns out that was a precursor to the worst UTI I’ve ever had. I don’t get them often (I think I’ve had 2 other ones in my life) and the last time was 5 or 6 years ago. So, that wasn’t fun, and since that area is temporarily closed for business (not taking any chances), I hope I didn’t ovulate this week! Also, my boobs are sore. For no reason at all, at least not one that I’ve found. Trust me, I’ve taken at least 5 HPTs and they’re all one-liners.

I think having this constantly on my mind is also giving me crazy dreams. I’ve had vivid dreams at least 3-4 nights a week for the last month or two. Sometimes I can remember them, sometimes I can’t. They’re usually scary or intimidating. Getting fired, getting assaulted, getting robbed, etc.

I think I’m going to try to get back into the habit of going to the gym to work out… maybe all this nervous energy is just because yesterday was the first time we’d gone in like 6 weeks and being sedentary was just letting my mind run wild. I hope at least.

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