Who Are You?!

I suppose a lot of women wonder what their children (or future children) will be like. I keep having a dream that I don’t know who they are at all.

I’ve had a variation of the same dream quite a few times. The scenarios are usually the only variant, but the theme of each one is I have a child and I know nothing about them. The first three times I had this dream I had a daughter. She was a toddler and had curly blonde hair. Sometimes it was just me and her, other times my mom was also there. I never knew what her birthday was, how old she was (although in the dream she always appeared to be 2-4 years old), her name, her likes/dislikes, and had no memory of delivering her, but I knew she was mine. I would constantly try to create hints in the conversation to elicit this information, but couldn’t get anywhere. The time my mom was with us I finally broke down and confessed that I knew nothing about my child, and she filled me in, then lectured me about needing to be more involved and present and what a terrible mother I was.

The latest development in the dream involved the child. The last time I had this dream I was with my husband, and our child was a son who we had adopted. But that’s all I knew about him. He was probably around 5 or 6 years old, but I couldn’t remember his name, or what he liked, or how long he had been ours, etc. In this dream he would let me pick out his clothes and prepare meals, but other than that he would only interact with my husband. He wouldn’t let me play games or toys with him, read to him, answer questions, or anything. I eventually found the adoption papers and learned his name and birthday. 

I think this change came because my husband and I have more seriously been considering the idea of adoption. My company offers really generous adoption assistance, and I just think it will be better for our family to go the adoption route, vs. loads of fertility treatments. This of course will all depend on what I find out at my appointment with the specialist (only 15 more days!) and what kinds of odds he gives us based on how the Metformin has been working on my ovaries. Of course Greg is still far more optimistic than I am regarding my fertility, he is certain the doctor will give us good news but in my gloom-and-doom outlook I’m sure he’s going to tell us that nothing has changed and if I drop any eggs at all I’ll never be able to predict when and they’ll be duds anyway. (I know I should be more positive, but, sometimes it’s hard!). Anyways, back to the dreams…

In every dream I wake up as soon as I learned any information about the kid. If anyone has had similar dreams or knows what this could mean (besides I’ll be a bad mom- don’t tell me if that’s the case!), I’d be interested to hear.

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