… and I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant.
I don’t think being a pessimist is the most helpful thing, but I just don’t feel like I’m pregnant. No particular reason, I just don’t. That and like a dummy I took a pregnancy test on Saturday and it was negative. But it was Saturday night and my blood test is Tuesday (tomorrow), so it could have just been timing. But I still think it’s true. \
I’ve been on Prometrium since last Sunday, and had a blood test to check my progesterone levels last Tuesday to see if I’ve ovulated. The doctor never called me with the results, and with the 4th of July holiday this past weekend I was too preoccupied to call back and check (I doubt their office was even open, anyway, and they said it’d take a few days for the results to come in). I’m figuring they’re just waiting til I get the official BFN tomorrow to let me know that it doesn’t seem that I ovulated, despite the injections. I don’t know that, mind you, but that’s where my negative mind has taken me.
I also just feel different, but that should be a positive. Last time I was super moody, my boobs hurt like no other, I constantly felt like I was on the verge of puking, and was so dizzy that anytime I wasn’t sitting I felt like I was going to tip over. This time I’ve only been slightly unsteady, and have been having weird dreams like I had last time, but that’s it. No soreness, no nausea. Last time I wasn’t pregnant, so you’d think by having different symptoms I’d think I’m getting a different outcome. Of course I just feel like not having these symptoms is telling me that the Prometrium just isn’t working.
I used to be far more pessimistic in my daily life, but have made a conscious effort to be more positive. I’ve been trying to see the bright side of things and hoping for the best. For whatever reason, though, this cycle has brought me right back to the dark side. I’ve pinned several inspirational quotes and will leave you with a few, in an effort to bring myself out of this funk:
Perhaps this negativity is just a coping mechanism to help me deal with the sadness that comes with a BFN, if that is indeed what I’ll be hearing tomorrow. Bad news isn’t as bad when it’s what you’re expecting, right? Also that’d make good news that much sweeter. Who knows… maybe this “Debbie Downer” attitude is a side effect of early pregnancy.